My Little Word 2011

Essence was my word for this year.  You can read about my intentions here.

As I sit here and reflect on the year that was in the context of Essence I know honestly the moving of house did make me loose some focus in the middle of the year.  I have been trying hard to step outside my usual comfort zone, go places and do things that I would usually choose not to do but would really help me realise what I really am deep inside.  You know what I mean....I am trying to search for the me as Tamara, not Haydens mother, a hockey mother, my teacher etc etc.  Sometimes I really have not have any energy to push myself into discovery mode, do things I know would embrace life and me a little more.  Moments like this it is easy to use Hayden as an excuse for not paying attention to myself a little more.  But in the last three months or so I have made a concerted effort to be out there a little more and rediscover me.  No excuses acceptable.  I can see that from this effort life can be more joyful and happier.  Finding the true essence of me.  Long may it last.

(The credits for this)

Joyful

At this time of the you it can become difficult to retain some focus on the positive things in life.  So with that I came up with this list of things to be joyful about.

My little pearls of joyful moments.

• looking out the window on a crisp winters morning.
• the sound of my children laughing
• my husband wishpering in my ear.
• the sight of new life in spring
• the sound of waves lappnping on the beach while I read a book.
• celebrating my families special moments
• date night

What does your joyful list look like

(credits    Awesomeness kit by Lindsay Jane Designs Page mask a blog freebie by Lindsay Jane
Font is CK Bookworm)

I am worth it

I want to get fit and healthy.  I  have work hard all year to loose a few kilograms and to be able to run 5km around the roads.  Not fast understand but at my gentle pace.   I was truely prompted to do this when in November 2010 I got seriously sick.  I then realised that I couldn't afford not to look after myself and set out on this journey.


Now 12 months later I am finding my balance weight and can run as I wished.

I have done it.

I am worth it.

(credits Fragile Strength by L Grier)

Balance

Just sometimes life needs a little balance. ...especially at this time of the year.  Fingers cross life doesn't get too hectic at this time of the year for everyone.

(Credit Chakra by Viva Designs)

Discouraged

There are days when I feel discouraged.  My life revolves around my family....I wouldn't have it any other way...I love it in fact.  But today Hayden has a gastro bug and with his medical condition it needs serious attention.  While he is not sick enough to be in hospital (which is what the case would usually be) he can't go to school which is fair enough.  Sadly being home with Hayden when he is sick is not like my other children.  He is not tolerating any of his medicines and that means special plans, careful hydration processes and constant monitoring.  A lack of behaviour modification medication means he is unable to sit still or concentrate on any task for any length of time. 

Today Hayden is not sick enough to be lying around.  He does not know what to do with himself and because of his ADHD, today he is unable to do anything and it is extraordinarily difficult to keep him entertained.   In fact today Hayden behaved anything but sick except for the many visits to the toilet.

It really is discouraging, that today just like many other in the past and as will be in the future, Hayden runs the fine line of being in hospital or not.  Oh how I wish sometimes,  that thing are not the way they and my child life was medically just like every other fun loving child.

Just as well these thoughts are short lived isn't it.

Here is Hayden at 7am today.  Looking a tad dehydrated (by about 1kg in weight) hooked up to his pump which is pumping water directly into his stomach. 

The Greatest Gift

The greatest gift I can give my children is one of opportunity.  One that listens to their inner self and finds a way to help them start on the journey they dream of.  In fact it might even be an opportunity that they have not yet identified in themselves but I can see.   it.  No pressure from me to be a ‘little me’ but an opportunity that matches their special skills and talents. 


It sure is the greatest gift I can give. 

This scrapbooking page shows Andre learning violin. 

(the credits for this page can be found here)

My Camera

It doesn’t matter which way I look at it, my camera is all I think of when it comes to a precious possession. All the memories that it records, all the journalling that I am prompted to write. The good times, the sad, the happy and mad time all recorded to look back on and wonder what would it have been like if I did not have my camera. Cherished moments forever safely recorded.

Now I just need to get my scrapbooking printed out then it can be enjoyed by everyone.

(the credits can be found here)

Relax

When time was mine and mine alone I used to love lying there on my back, enjoying a summers day just looking at the sky.  I loved to feel the sun beaming down on me and listening to all those native birds enjoying life around me.  A book at my side completes this picture.  Sadly there is very little for this in todays world. 

Just maybe one day in the future this will happen. again but at this time I am more than happy to give it up.

I hope you all find your moment to relax

I am in denial

I can not deny that my focus on embracing life has hit a wall.  I am not sure what to do next or where to go.  I guess that I have lost focus as life has really been hectic in the last 4 weeks.

So I thought I would start with this quote

“Never anticipate a moment or day in your life, instead learn to anticipate every moment and embrace everyday. Find greatness in everything and purpose even in the hardest times.”

(unknown author)

So take this post as a heafty reminder to myself to take a hard look at my life and start laughing more so that I can embrace my little word a lot more.

Here is a page I have done about my Little Word

The Credits for this can be found here at Nuts4Digi

Sometimes it is really hard.

As we all know sometimes life is really hard.  For us with Hayden life can be harder than for most people.  His life impacts on us all mostly in different ways.  For Andre it impacts on his behaviour.  As Haydens behaviour is in the severe end when it comes to ADHD .  Andre has decided that the way for him to get attention at home is to behave similarly to Hayden.  Oh my gosh you really dont want to know what that means.  I have tried many things to help Andre overcome this need to behave this way at home.  In fact it make me very sad and brings tears to my eyes everytime I think about Haydens impact on Andre.

I look into the past hoping that wonderful bubbly little boy will return and become a wonderful young man.

I created this page expressing this and hope each day that as Andre grows up he stops what he is doing and realises that there are other ways to gain attention from the people around him.

The credits can be found here at Nuts4digi

Project Love Me

I have been playing catch up for the project as I was late getting started.  So this post is all about the catching up pages I have

Firstly this week was all about laughing.  What makes me laugh.  I guess I wrote this all about my son Hayden.  He spent a lot of time laughing this week.  He was so happy to know he could ride a bike with two wheels.  You can read more about the prompt here.

Here is my page follow the link and you get the journaling up close.

All the credits and journal can be found here at Nuts4Digi.

Prompt 4 was all about words of wisdom.    Here I decided to use some of my camping photos to show my message.  The journaling can be read more easily if you follow the link.

The credits can be found here at Nuts4digi

I have more but will be back to put them on my blog.

Project Love Me. Prompt 3

So weeks prompt in the Project Love Me was to write about lost dreams.  So be warned that this post just could be a little heavy.

Dreams....A Cautionary Tale



Just as any new parent knows, when your child is born, it seems that those dreams you have for them begin to form. You know the ones. The ones that say that your child will lead a happy and fulfilled life in some way or rather. You never dream that anything untoward to could happen to them, that those dreams could or would be shattered. This is where my story, I hope, will help save someone from the trauma we have been through.

For us the signs were there. Albeit small signs, but hindsight is a great thing. Little alarm bells should have been ringing. Perhaps they were and I was just not listening carefully to them. Suddenly with a third child on the way I began to reflect on the little things I should have been noticing in our house and took this child to see specialists. I travelled home to New Zealand from our home is S E Asia for this to happen and was treated like a neurotic mother. Sadly now those alarm bells were being heard by me but I had been told by the medically informed that there was nothing wrong with my son. and I took this as though it was etched in stone.

Still perservering with all those little alarm bells I went back to our home in S E Asia with child 3 in tow. Don’t get me wrong, all the milestone were being met, it was the little things, his white blonde hair, excessive thurst and urination, reluctance to eat food, Diabetes had been ruled out along with tropical deseases.

Sadly for our son these little things did mean something and in February 2006 he suffered a serious and life changing medical event. I have written about this time on other pages so wont go into it now, but my sons brain was damaged significantly, his life hung in the balance for days and from that moment things would never be the same for us again.

I could write about the should and should not ofs, aportion blame but that is not what this tale is about. Wind the clock forward about 8 weeks and we find out that those little alarm bells really did mean something. This something was not an everyday occurance but a rare and significant medical condition. Yes the past blood tests, in the before times, showed that there was something wrong. I couldn’t believe it. My alarm bells were ringing true.

So if there is anything to learn from my little tale then it has to be, listen to your alarm bells. They could just mean the difference between being able to dream or not.
 
Here is the page I made with these words on it.
 

The credits for this page can be found here at Nuts4digi

Project Love Me

I discovered this challenge which I really like.  Project: Love Me.  It involves journaling which I love to include in my scrapbooking and also will provide a source of inspiration for photos and blogging.   So I started at the beginning today using the first weeks prompt of Dreams.

Here is what I was prompted to write.


I wish I had a magic wand and turn back time.  Not to make a fortune or live the silver spoon life.  It would be a chance to take action sooner so Hayden, my son would not become disabled.  I guess hindsight gives us that perspective on life.  I dream of what might have been and how things could be different.  How dramatically that dream changed and no I just hope that someday Hayden will be able to learn things that will enable his life to be more than it is and less of a burden.

The credits can be found here at Nuts4digi.