Decisions...just somethings need to be said allowed

So here is my page portraying this. So real in my life but still all to be faced.
We have a major decision looming in our house. Every month, every week, every hour every minute brings us closer to making this life saving, honest and loving decision. I am sitting here crying as I type because this decision could be be very decisive in our house. It impacts on the life of one of my children. I have never put these thoughts on paper before let alone published them anywhere but here we go. My disabled son is in renal failure. He While he is still a few years off being able to have his name on the transplant list. Deep down the decision about donation is there in my subconscious. The reason that this decision is so challenging for me is that I am unwilling to put my husbands, my childrens or my own kidneys under investigation to see if we are compatable. Please dont judge me for this thought. Really it breaks my heart to come to this conclusion at this stage. I don’t like the what if’s. You know .... what if something goes wrong with a donors life, or one of my children. Even how could we survive with my husband out of work and what if my husband does not recover his medical enabling him to continue to work. I know he would not be happy being a stay at home dad. I mentioned life before. Here it is important to realised that my special son was not boorn disabled it happened to him. Since that defining moment (the one when he became disabled) I have come to question what his quality of life is like in comparison with what might have been if..... The there is the sheer fact that this little life places immense stress on all of us. It has cnanged his ability to live independently as an adult, it has taken away our ability o be spontanious in life and certainly changed our the way our family unit interacts. A cant see wheat the pathway forward is going to look like. I don’t know if my sons life will even put him in a position to be a candidate for transplant. Maybe I am worrying about it all for nothing.

(The credits for this page can be found at Nuts4Digi here)